res ipsa loquitor...
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Mr. T pity’s Chuck Norris...
Facts about MR T:
- Mr. T survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He was the first and only one to do so. However, he barely survived.
- Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.
- 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
- Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
- Mr. T doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics. It obeys him.
- Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
- Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
- Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
- The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
- Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
- Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
- When the end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day". Rather, it shall be called "T-Day", when Mr. T ends the world by simultaneously pitying all six billion fools on this planet to death.
- Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
- Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
- Mr. T rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the coming administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to pity.
- When Mr. T cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.
- The Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put the pity Mr. T distributes, in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.
- When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
- Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
- If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
- Osama Bin Laden isn't hiding from the US, he's hiding from Mr. T
- Mr. T invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity Pops, which he then sells to buy more gold chains.
- Mr. T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr. T loves you.
- The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchphrase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
- Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
posted by dave @ 1/03/2006 09:30:00 AM - Google It! -
