res ipsa loquitor...
Friday, January 16, 2004
why we love kids...
1. a small boy is sent to bed by his father - five minutes later...
"da-ad...."
"what?"
"i'm thirsty... can you bring a drink of water?"
"no, you had your chance... lights out."
five minutes later: "da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"i'm THIRSTY. can i have a drink of water?!?!"
"i told you NO! if you ask again, i'll have to spank you!!"
five minutes later... "daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT!"
"when you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
2. it was that time, during the sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. all the children were invited to come forward. one little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "that is a very pretty dress. is it your easter dress?"
the little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "yes, and my mom says it's a bitch to iron."
3. a little boy was doing his math homework. he said to himself, "two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine..."
his mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "what are you doing?"
the little boy answered, "i'm doing my math homework, mom."
"and this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"yes," he answered.
infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "what are you teaching my son in math?"
the teacher replied, "right now, we are learning addition."
the mother asked, "and are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
after the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "what I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
4. one day the first grade teacher was reading the story of chicken little to her class. she came to the part of the story where chicken little tried to warn the farmer.
she read, "...and so chicken little went up to the farmer and said, "the sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
the teacher paused then asked the class, "and what do you think that farmer said?"
one little girl raised her hand and said, "i think he said: 'holy shit! a talking chicken!'"
the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
5. a little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. she stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. the barber says to her, "sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your twinkie."
she says, "yes, I know, and i'm gonna get boobs too."
posted by dave @ 1/16/2004 08:57:00 AM - Google It! -
Thursday, January 15, 2004
100 most misspelled words...
yourdictionary.com has provided a one-stop cure for all your spelling ills. here are the top 100 english words most often misspelled - top 100
posted by dave @ 1/15/2004 10:38:00 AM - Google It! -
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
congrove's site
mike congrove has put a site together - lots of pics from his recent trip to beirut / france... go here to check it out - www.flyovercountry.org
posted by dave @ 1/13/2004 09:24:00 AM - Google It! -
